It's been almost a year since Nanny passed. Man, has it been a rough one!
I never knew how much I could actually miss someone. That feeling in the pit of my stomach.. sometimes making me ill. I get why people use the term "cry a river" because I'm pretty sure I actually have.
I have pictures of her all over my home office wall. She and my daughter, Mini, were very close. She would blank on my daughter's name and instead just call her "my best friend", which Mini absolutely loved. An 85-year age gap between them made for some pretty hilarious discussions and even arguments.
Mini's birthday party last year was the last time Nanny ventured out of the house. I tell Mini all the time that is something she can hold in her heart. While planning Mini's party this year, it hit us both. Hard.
Nanny won't be there.
The "firsts" were all rough.
I didn't talk to her on Mini's first day of school, as I had every year prior.
I celebrated my 34th birthday and for the first time, no call and card.
I didn't mail out pics after Halloween.
The morning of Thanksgiving, I woke up thinking about how I forgot to call to see what time she was going to dinner, then remembered why.
Christmas dinner was usually held at her house (she lived with my aunt) and the thought of sitting through dinner without her gave me severe anxiety.
No card or call for Valentine's Day.
No dinner around St Patrick's Day.
No lunches during April break, as we had just last year.
Mother's Day, oh please don't get me started on the hot mess I was for that.
It's been a rough year, but I'm ready to share some stories. I spent a LOT of time with Nanny, between random lunches and taking her to doctor appointments. She gave me some great advice.
I just miss her so much.