Sunday, March 3, 2019

The Foot Doctor

On several occasions, I brought Nanny to the Podiatrist to get her nails clipped. The office was in one of those medical complexes. It doesn't matter where you park, you're walking "down the stairs and around the corner". 

Sitting in the office with Nan one day, she was telling me a story about her childhood. I wish I could remember details, but I did snap some photos as she was talking. She spoke with passion and nostalgia. It was beautiful. 

After Nan's "pedi", she was talking to the receptionist up front. She mentions my brother out of the blue. I comment that he is the favorite, always has been. 

Nan nodded, "Yeah, you could say he's my favorite." 

It was common knowledge in our family that my brother was Nanny's favorite grandkid. My cousins used to get in trouble for stuff I could almost guarantee my brother had done. This was the first time I had heard Nan admit it out loud though. I was stunned! 

The receptionist laughed. "Well, what about the young lady beside you? She should be a favorite for bringing you here today." 

Nan shrugged and tapped me with her cane. "Yeah, she's alright." 

We all cracked up. 

I miss her. 

Sunday, May 27, 2018

The Beginning of The School Year

Sometimes I wasn't sure if Nanny was setting me up or not.

When Mini started a preschool program, I called Nan the first day.

I'd tell her how much I missed my munchkin and that we should get together soon.

She'd reassure me that my girl was fine and I shouldn't worry.

This happened when my daughter started UPK as well. It was a new school so I was nervous.

Than again, the following year for Kindergarten, it was yet another new school. Again, the nerves snuck in so I called Nan on the first day.

First day of first grade was rough for me. Yet another new school and this one was HUGE.

What if she got lost going to the nurse's office?

What if she couldn't find her classroom and just got lost?

My nerves were shot and I paced most of the morning. Around lunch time, I called Nan. I relayed my fears and I could almost hear her roll her eyes. She again, as she had each previous year, told me my girl would be fine.

Halfway through the year, I had dropped my daughter off at school late. Her classroom was downstairs and around the corner. The woman at the front asked her if she wanted me to walk her down. She said no and walked through the doors by herself.

I must've had some look on my face because the lovely woman offered me a tissue. I called Nan in tears when I got home. She thought it was hilarious! She giggled as I told her what happened. She reminded me that I wanted her to be independent and that it was a sign I was doing a good job.

I needed to hear that.

Second grade wasn't as bad. I called Nan like I always had on the first day. I was a lot calmer than in previous years. When Nan asked me how I was doing I said that I felt okay since it was the same school as last year and she knows the school and I volunteer so Ill be there a lot.

Nan got quiet. "You mean you don't miss your own daughter?"

I was speechless for a minute, then Nan cracked up.

"Are you serious?" I asked. "Have you been setting me up for the past few years just for this moment?"

She just laughed and thinking about it still makes me smile.

That was the last First Day of School that Nan was around for. She passed away the following Summer. Mini is finishing elementary school this year and I wish that Nan was around for when she starts Middle School in the Fall.

I have no one else to call.

Tuesday, January 2, 2018

The Bagel Store

Whenever we went out to eat, I always paid for Nanny too.

My brother said it best: "She did so much for us when we were little. She bought us so much stuff and spoiled us. Now that we're all making money, it's time for us to spoil her a bit."

Once we were at a bagel store for brunch. I took out my wallet at the same time as Nanny did, both of us insisting we'll pay.

Me: "Put your wallet away, Nan. I got it."

Nanny insisted: "No. I'm paying."

"No, really it's okay, Nan. I'll pay."

"Put your purse down. I'm going to pay."

I told the cashier not to take her money.

"No", Nanny said. "Don't take HER money!"

I shook my head and laughed.

As I fish out my debit card, I feel something hit me in the back of the leg. I turn around and pretty quickly realized Nan had poked me in the leg with her cane.

I turn back to her, wide-eyed. "Really, Nan?"

She is handing money to the cashier, grinning. "I pay," she says triumphantly.

I just started cracking up. It was too funny!

Thursday, July 7, 2016

I Miss Nanny

It's been almost a year since Nanny passed. Man, has it been a rough one! 

I never knew how much I could actually miss someone. That feeling in the pit of my stomach.. sometimes making me ill. I get why people use the term "cry a river" because I'm pretty sure I actually have. 

I have pictures of her all over my home office wall. She and my daughter, Mini, were very close. She would blank on my daughter's name and instead just call her "my best friend", which Mini absolutely loved. An 85-year age gap between them made for some pretty hilarious discussions and even arguments. 

Mini's birthday party last year was the last time Nanny ventured out of the house. I tell Mini all the time that is something she can hold in her heart. While planning Mini's party this year, it hit us both. Hard. 

Nanny won't be there. 

The "firsts" were all rough. 
I didn't talk to her on Mini's first day of school, as I had every year prior. 
I celebrated my 34th birthday and for the first time, no call and card. 
I didn't mail out pics after Halloween. 
The morning of Thanksgiving, I woke up thinking about how I forgot to call to see what time she was going to dinner, then remembered why. 
Christmas dinner was usually held at her house (she lived with my aunt) and the thought of sitting through dinner without her gave me severe anxiety. 
No card or call for Valentine's Day. 
No dinner around St Patrick's Day. 
No lunches during April break, as we had just last year. 
Mother's Day, oh please don't get me started on the hot mess I was for that.

It's been a rough year, but I'm ready to share some stories. I spent a LOT of time with Nanny, between random lunches and taking her to doctor appointments. She gave me some great advice. 

I just miss her so much.